


13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins

by copperbadge



Category: Gishwhes - Fandom, Misha Collins - Fandom
Genre: GISHWHES, Gen, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>78. IMAGE. Get a previously published Sci-Fi author to write an original story (140 words max) about Misha, the Queen of England and an Elopus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins

**Author's Note:**

> During this year's [GISHWHES](http://www.gishwhes.com/) competition, I was asked by several groups to fill prompt 78 on the list. Here are the results, plus my letters to the readers of the prompts.

Team: StarfleetLovesFinchesters

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #1: The Only Time I Will Riff On This ******

"But really, Phillip," Queen Misha Collins said, waving her trunk and one or two of her tentacles in only mild agitation, "What were the odds that this one time the Oxford Comma would be so important?" 

_Dear Misha Collins, QE II, or whoever reads these,_

_Hello! My name is Sam Starbuck. I am a published writer of many things including science fiction. If you wish to check my bona fides, or read a free copy of my books, you may do so[here](http://extribulum.wordpress.org). _

_You'll see a few of these from me. Rest assured, all teams are aware that I'm writing for other teams as well._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: ChucksLittleHelpersLoveNotes

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #2: The Unlikely Story**

"For the service of, perhaps rather surprisingly, discovering and capturing the first known wild Elopus," Her Majesty said, "I dub thee _Sir_ Misha Collins." 

_Dear Sir Misha, or whoever is reading these,_

_If you haven't seen my first letter, this letter won't make much sense; don't worry, you'll hit it eventually._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: KalestormLovesDeepCoverUnicorn

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #3: The One With The Cute Pet**

"But your majesty," Collins said, "The opportunity to study the first known miniature Elopus -- "

"We are amused," the Queen replied, cuddling the little creature. Its trumpet of defiance was a tiny high-pitched _blatt_. "We shan't give it up to you or to anyone."

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever has to read these,_

_It's been a lot of reading, hasn't it? You should take a break. Go get an iced beverage of your choice and sit outside for a while. Or, if it's unpleasant where you are, sit inside, but somewhere else. A change is as good as a rest, you know._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: Time Traveling Yetis

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #4: David Caruso Style**

The Elopus was enormous. Seven tentacles and a trunk, four feet, two beady eyes, a beak that could crush a man's arm with a single snap, and hide that bore the scars of many previous battles. 

"What do we do now, your majesty?" Misha asked.

The Queen raised the tranquilizer rifle to her shoulder, a grim smile on her face. 

"Now we put baby to bed," she said. 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever he has conned into reading these using charm,_

_I could never kill an Elopus. They're studying it. For science!_

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: WeGotThis

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #5: The Domestic Scene**

"Well," the Queen said, over tea, "Dear Anne's dachshund got amongst the corgis, you know, and the resulting dorgis were such a success. I thought, surely there are other charming breeds available."

Misha lifted a hand to tentatively touch the trunk emerging from the water tank. 

"So," the Queen said, "I understand you know Jared Padalecki?"

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever he has conned into reading these using blackmail,_

_She was just using you, Misha. Don't give her an inch._

_I hope you are enjoying my stories, and also that this is not the first story you've had from me because if so this letter won't be terribly in-context. You'll see._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: OlinSACLovesEccentricMonsters

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #6: The Dog Day Afternoon**

When the police arrived to confiscate Sherman, Misha lobbed a glitter grenade at them from the second floor and yelled that they'd never take him alive.

News soon reached Her Majesty that her plans were failing.

"I shall have the elopus," she seethed. "Call out the royal marines!" 

Misha, barricaded in with enough food and water to last a year, stroked the Elopus's head gently. "She shall never have you, Sherman," he hissed. 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or Mr. Collins by proxy,_

_I can never marry you. But I hear Charlotte Lucas is available._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: MisfitzlovesSophrosyne

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #7: The Debauched Society or, The F. Scott Fitzgerald**

The Elopus was drunk, but when I looked at Collins he only had eyes for H.M., who was practically reclining on the bar as she ordered a Sidecar and adjusted her tiara. As it crashed through the ballroom and out into the pool, I heard shouts of "Corral the beast!" and "Isn't it smash, hon?" and "Watch the band!" 

I sighed and sipped my champagne. Would these people never learn? 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever is reading these for authenticity,_

_Don't listen to the haters. Stonehenge Apocalypse was a glorious troll._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: AngelsAmongUsLovesYouveGotRedOnYouLovesLooksLikeFun

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #8: The Scifi Thriller**

"Did you know the elopus had lasers?" Misha asked, laying down blaster fire as the Queen joined him in his makeshift cover behind the navigational array. 

"I didn't know they had an elopus!" she replied, flinging a tachyon grenade into the seething mass of tentacles just behind its tusks. 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever has read so many of these already,_

_I lied, I would totally kill an elopus if it was part of an evil alien hegemony bent on enslaving the inhabitants of Earth._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: Goldigger

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #9: The Grammar Lesson**

Misha looked down at the tracks in the dirt, leading up into the castle. There were feet, and drag marks, and once or twice it had clearly stopped to root around in the bushes.

"Well?" the Queen asked.

"Ma'am, I think you have an infestation," Misha said.

"What is it?"

" _Elopodes._ " 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or his enlightened GISHWHES reader,_

_The proper plural of octopus is octopodes, just as the proper plural of penis is penes. We learn something new every day._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team:BlueBronzeHuntersLoveWhatchamacallit

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #10: The Road Memoir**

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago," Misha said. "We've got a full tank of gas, an elopus, it's dark...and we're wearing sunglasses."

The Queen tipped the crown low over her forehead. "Hit it." 

From the back seat, the Elopus crooned the blues. 

_Dear Mr. Collins, or whoever is continuing to read these,_

_If you're ever in Chicago, let me buy you an Al's Italian Beef sandwich to make up for all this._

_Sam Starbuck_

* * *

Team: CherryPieConfetti

**13 Ways Of Looking At Misha Collins #11: The Russian Novel**

Queen Elizabeth heaved a sigh, leaning back in her brocaded chair. 

"Winters were easier in Moscow," she said. "Ah, the splendor of the troikas in the snow, and the delights of visiting the great Elopus."

At the window, Misha watched the snow fall on the orchard.

_Dear Mr. Collins,_

_It's not a real Russian novel. Nobody died. But I'd have got there in another ten thousand words or so._

_Sam Starbuck_


End file.
